


Got to Be There

by gingergallifreyan



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Memory Loss, Post-Episode: s02e04 The Girl in the Fireplace, Post-Episode: s02e05-06 Rise of the Cybermen/Age of Steel, mention of emotional abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 02:16:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13203639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergallifreyan/pseuds/gingergallifreyan
Summary: The Doctor takes Rose to a leisure planet so she can relax after returning from the parallel world. As they are checking in, the Doctor accidentally books them separate rooms. The Doctor's been a bit of an idiot after stranding her and Mickey on the 51st Century space ship, so Rose doesn't mind the personal space, and even makes a few new friends. How will the Doctor ever make it up to her?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WordsInTimeAndSpace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsInTimeAndSpace/gifts).



> This was written for 2017 DW Secret Santa.
> 
> The title comes from the Jackson 5 song of the same name because that's how the Doctor feels.
> 
> 2018 Note: I'm loving that people are finding this story. I'd just like to note that this was written before I knew anything about 13's personality, so keep that in mind, but I feel it holds up pretty well considering! I may revisit this story in the future, maybe after her first series is complete, just to tighten up her parts.

The Doctor fiddled with the controls as he waited for Rose to join him on the TARDIS. How would it be, now that it was just the two of them again?

He’d never officially apologized for how he’d treated her after Mickey came on board. He simply hadn’t the chance, not with him always sticking his nose in everything. He wanted to go here and there, wanted to know how everything worked.

So he waited. And more besides, Rose didn’t seem much interested in speaking to him anyway. She was quiet, distant at times, even when Mickey was around, at least at first. By the time they’d arrived in the other world, things were semi-normal, and he could make her laugh a little. He had a feeling she mostly put up with him for Mickey’s sake.

Now that it would be only them, the Doctor and Rose Tyler in the TARDIS, maybe he could begin to try and make amends with her.

The door opening pulled him from his thoughts. “Done with your mum?”

“Yep.” She walked towards the console. “Where to next?”

“The better question is… where would you like to go?” He smiled lightly as she took her place next to him.

“Some place relaxing, I think. One of those leisure planets?”

“Leisure planet it is. Quagrilles. Sandy beaches, day spa, mud baths, sauna, masseuses with eight arms, the works. Anything you could want. Even a puppy rental, where you can cuddle with fluff balls to your heart’s content.”

Her eyes raised to his and she smiled. “Sounds delightful.”

“It is. Go pack your bag. We’ll be there by the time you return.”

“We’re putting this on your credit stick, correct? You still owe me that tenner for Queen Victoria.”

“And chips.”

“And the carriage when we met the Chevalier.”

“I’m noticing a pattern,” he said sheepishly. “Yes, my treat.”

—

The Doctor stepped up to the concierge. “Hello,” he said, peering at the name tag, “Pat. We’re here to check in. Three days, I think.”

The blue alien looked up from their computer and smiled. “Ah. I’ll book you a nice suite for you and your wife.”

“Oh. Ehm, she’s not… we’re not…”

“Oh! My mistake. You looked so lovely together. Please understand.”

“It’s alright. Not the first time.”

“Names please?”

“The Doctor, and this is Rose.”

They worked at the computer for a few seconds. “Credit stick?”

“Sure.” He fished in his jacket pocket for it and slid it across the counter.

“Is this for both of your reservations?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll need a bio-print of some kind, which will serve as access to your room, as well as your identities for all transactions. Irises are the best option for humanoids.”

“Still secure after all this time, eh?”

Pat raised an eyebrow. “Yes. Lean towards the camera here, please.”

The Doctor did so, and then he stood back to allow Rose to step up.

“Lucky the camera still took through your tears. I hope your stay relieves your distres, Miss.” The concierge slid two tablets across the counter. “These tablets are your personal assistants. It will only respond to you. You can order anything you’d like, and our automated or live staff will promptly fulfill your request.”

“Thanks,” Rose said shortly. She snatched her tablet and headed for the elevators without another word. One was already at the lobby, so she stepped in and was on her way.

The Doctor was flabbergasted as he watched her walk away. “She was crying?”

They continued working on their computer. “Yes. Do enjoy your stay.”

He picked up his tablet and stared at it for a moment. He’d royally screwed up this one, hadn’t he?

“Do you need assistance, Doctor?”

“No. Not that you can give anyway.”

“Ah. Matters of the heart.”

“Well…”

“Am I mistaken?”

He raised both eyebrows and brushed the back of his neck. “No.”

“Give her some time to cool off.”

“That’s what I brought her here for.”

“Let us work our magic, and then maybe she’ll be open to communication.”

“Maybe… there some sort of package I can get her or something?”

“Why don’t you look through our options on your tablet? We can also deliver some flowers, fine examples of our local flora, if that would please her.”

He smiled. “It would. Thanks, Pat.” He followed the directions on the tablet to their room. When he scanned his eye on the pad, the door clicked open. “Rose, I’m sorry. I’ve been an idiot lately, and—”

Rose was nowhere to be found in the room. Not in the loo, not laying on the bed, and not on the balcony. Not even a perception filter, according to the sonic.

He searched on the tablet for his reservation confirmation. His name was the only one listed.

“Oh, bother,” he muttered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor gets a bit desperate.

Rose awoke the next morning to a message on her tablet.

_Package Itinerary. Gift courtesy of The Doctor._

She rolled her eyes and sat up. “So I can’t even decide how to spend my vacation? He’s got… no clue, has he?” She fluffed her hair and groaned. “Why is he so _bloody_ frustrating?”

She caught the smell of something wonderful and glanced around until she spotted the huge bouquet of flowers on the table. “Like any bloke. Thinking flowers are just gonna fix things.” She stood and walked to them. “They are beautiful though.” They resembled lilies, she thought. She traced the pink and yellow petals with her fingers. She sighed (and fought a smile) at the memory of him bestowing those colors on her. “I’m still not going by his stupid schedule.”

She changed into her bikini, grabbed her towel and shades, and headed for the beach.

—

The Doctor ruffled his hair. 11:36, the time on his tablet read (not that he needed the assistance, being a Time Lord), and it still hadn’t pinged that Rose had made it to breakfast. “She likes to sleep, I know, but she’s never this late.” He walked to the window, gazing out at the ocean.

The longer the tablet didn’t ping, the more he worried. What if something had happened to her? What if she’d been abducted by aliens or human traffickers? He scrolled the news for any sign of disturbances, pointed the sonic at the horizon to scan for unusual energy signals.

What if she’d gone out last night without him and never made it back to her room? She’d liked to go clubbing once upon a time. What if she’d been drugged and kidnapped? Worse, what if she’d found some… boy, and had decided to spend the night with him? She wouldn’t, would she? Not when she had to know how he felt about her? Hadn’t he all but said how he felt once upon a time?

Then again, what right did he have to feel any sense of exclusivity when he’d said they weren’t together? What right did he have after… his own actions?

He was an idiot. He’d been an idiot for such a long time.

_“I thought you and me were… well, obviously I got it wrong.”_

He’d only said they weren’t together because he thought she was still upset with him. Blimey, how is this ‘boyfriend thing’ supposed to work?

He stuffed the tablet into one of his pockets and headed out the door to the concierge’s desk. “‘Scuse me, Pat, but I purchased a package for Rose and it hasn’t pinged at me yet. Maybe there’s a problem with my tablet?”

Pat nodded. “You’re the one from yesterday, the terrible boyfriend.”

“Oi!”

They turned a few shades of dark purple and covered their mouth. “Oh, oh, I’m so sorry. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud!”

He waved it off. “It’s the truth, I suppose. Can you check my tablet, please?”

“I am dreadfully sorry. You’ll receive a credit to your account to rectify my mistake.”

“Just give me unlimited bananas and ice cream and we’ll call it even.”

“Absolutely. If you’ll scan your iris, we can check your tablet. And… I’m showing no problems, and no issues with the recipient’s.”

“I was told it would ping me when she accepts the package, though.”

“It looks like… she hasn’t even opened it.”

“Really? Can you tell me where she is?”

“I cannot.”

He stood taller. “And why not?”

The concierge took a step back at the look in his eyes. “You told me you weren’t together, so I listed her as a separate guest even though you covered both reservations. So I cannot divulge her location. It’s against our policy. We take our guests’ privacy very seriously.”

“Can’t you make an exception?”

“I’m afraid I cannot. I hope you’ll understand.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can you send a request for her location?”

“That I can do.”

—

Rose was enthralled in her book, some trashy alien romance novel the TARDIS had provided for her. She was thirsty, so she rummaged in her bag for her tablet. Just as she’d finished composing her perfect drink, an alien version of a strawberry margarita, a box popped up on the screen.

_The Doctor requests your location. Confirm?_

She rolled her eyes. “I want the day to myself. He can find ways to entertain himself since we’re _clearly_ not here together.” She pressed decline and ordered her drink.

—

“I’m afraid she’s declined.”

He groaned and ruffled his hair. “You’re kidding me.”

They turned the monitor around. “I’m afraid not.”

“Can you send her a message?”

“We can deliver one, yes.”

“Let me type it, please?”

Pat sighed. “I suppose I can do that.”

—

“Thank you!” Rose smiled at the rather attractive cabana boy delivering her drink.

“No problem, Miss. Enjoy.”

She glanced at his bum as he walked away. (Nice, she thought, but he was no Doctor.) “I sure will.” She giggled to herself and picked up her novel when her tablet pinged again.

_Message from The Doctor. Accept?_

“Fine.”

_I get it. You don’t want to be around me right now. At least let me know you’re safe?_

“Now I don’t want to be around him?” She growled. “He’s _so_ dense!” She took a long sip of her margarita. And then she felt a small twinge of guilt. He’d only wanted to make sure she was alright. “I can at least give him that, I suppose.”

She typed the safe word.

—

“Seems odd. She only wrote ‘chips’ as a response.”

“That’s our safe word. But she could have told somebody that, or they could have extracted it from her mind.”

“Somebody?”

“Like an alien abductor or kidnapper or something.”

“The Doctor, I can assure you, we vet all of our patrons. We have access to every criminal database in this galaxy. I assure you, we would let nothing happen to Miss Tyler. Our reputation depends on it.”

“Let me send another.”

—

_Can you give me the other safe word? Just double checking._

She sighed.

—

“‘Banana.’ Is that to your satisfaction?”

“That’s the double safe word. She would’ve said ‘pear’ if she were under duress.”

“If I were you, I’d give her the space she’s asking for.”

He rubbed his forehead. “I know. It’s just that it’s been awhile since it’s been the two of us, and I was kind of an idiot recently. Now that her friend is out of the picture, I was hoping to repair things.”

“And you thought correcting me to say you weren’t together was a good way to start?”

“I know that was stupid _now._ I didn’t know if she’d still consider us being together. How do I fix this?” He drummed his fingers on the counter. “What restaurants do you have?”

“I can give you a list, but she’ll come to you when she’s ready.”

“Book me a table for two at your most romantic restaurant.”

“I really don’t think—”

“Thanks, Pat! I’ve got to go tuxedo shopping.”

The concierge sighed as they worked at the computer. “I don’t blame this woman, frankly.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose makes a friend. The Doctor finally takes a hint.

“What are you reading?”

Rose looked at the owner of the voice. A woman, blonde with dark roots, black t-shirt and turquoise slacks. She seemed friendly enough, and it would be nice to have non-male company for a change. “Some trashy romance novel, from the planet Zarg or something.”

She laughed. “The one with the tentacles?”

Rose laughed, too. “Yeah, that’s the one. I’ve seen some crazy things out there, but alien adult literature with tentacles, that’s completely new.”

“Can’t say I’ve ever tried it myself.”

“Yeah. This is good, but I’m not sure I’d want to do this, either. If that’s what people get up to in their free time, though, so be it.”

“You here on your own?”

“Sort of. I’m here with a bloke, but we’re not exactly on good terms right now.”

She nodded. “Ah. Boyfriend trouble.”

“Yeah. If you can call him my boyfriend. He’s not been very clear about it lately. And then he thinks he can just make things better with fancy spa packages and flowers.”

“Instead of listening, right?”

“Yes. He’s not a terrible man. The best one I know, really, but a bloke’s a bloke no matter their species. Sometimes he’s just so…”

“Thick.”

“Right!”

“Well, what do you say we go find something to do? I brought my three friends here. I turned them loose because I don’t know what the young people like these days. There’s plenty to do round here, though. Skydiving, parasailing, bungee jumping—”

“My friend and I did that a while ago. Right into the middle of a wedding. He caught the bouquet in his teeth.” She giggled.

“Do you miss him?”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. Maybe I just need some space for the day. He did something real stupid and I suppose it still hurts that he hasn’t even apologized for it. I’m not even sure he knows what he did.”

She pulled some shades out of her pocket. “If he doesn’t, then he’s incredibly stupid. I’m sure he’ll come round, realize what an idiot he’s been.” Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. “Just give him time.”

“I suppose.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t have fun in the meanwhile. What do you want to do?”

“Parasailing sounds fantastic.”

“Parasailing it is. Come on! I’ve got unlimited credit. It’ll be my treat.”

Strapped onto the seat, their boat took off and they ascended into the air. Rose laughed at the feel of the wind in her hair and stretched out her arms.

Unbeknownst to her, her new friend simply watched her with tears in her eyes behind her sunglasses and a huge grin. She could blame it on the wind if Rose happened to notice.

“Where are you from, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Around. I travel a lot.”

“Me, too.” She smiled. “There’s so much out there. I had no idea.”

“Yeah, the universe is amazing. I can’t seem to stay in one place. The longer I travel, the more amazing it becomes. Especially if you have a hand to hold along the way. When you’ve been around like I have, seeing the world through someone else’s eyes makes it new and exciting again.”

Rose was delighted that she’d not only found a friend, but another woman who would understand her love for the universe. “What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen?”

“A dragon in the moon.”

“Really?”

“Apparently it’s a giant egg. Who knew?”

“That’s… bizarre.” She laughed.

“What about you? Any good stories to share?”

“Loads of them! Where to even start?”

“The beginning’s a great place in my book.”

“How much time do you have?”

She laughed. “Plenty.”

“Alright. I used to be a shop girl, if you can believe it. Day in, day out, beans on toast, the whole load. And then this man, well, alien shows up one night and blows up my job because of the… Nesting Consciousness, it was?”

“Nestene.”

“Yeah, them! Living plastic, he said. He thought he was saving the human race that night, but I had to save his sorry arse at the end of it. I’ve been running with him ever since.”

“What happened next? Don’t stop there.”

—

When they finally landed, they went back to their chairs. Rose dug her tablet out of her bag to order some food.

_The Doctor requests to meet you for dinner at 19:00. Do you accept?_

“What is it?” her friend asked.

“He wants to grab dinner. But I don’t really want to see him right now. I’m having too much fun without him.” She smiled.

“No reason to stop now, then. I’m sure we can think of something else to entertain us. I think—oh, there’s a club on one of the strips. And the best part is there’s no blokes! They’re not allowed.”

“You mean I could dance the night away and not worry about being hit on?”

“Not by blokes anyway.” She winked.

She grinned. “Can we go shopping before? I didn’t bring a dress with me.”

“Absolutely.”

“Let me send him a message…” She tapped the screen a few times. “I can’t find him.”

“Here, let me.” She sat next to Rose and took the tablet. “They must have booked you under separate packages when he was stupid and told the concierge you weren’t together.” She handed it back to her.

 _Doctor_ _I know you want to see me, but I need some time for me. I found a friend and we’re having fun._

_What kind of friend?_

_Nothing to worry about. I’m going out with her tonight. Whatever’s between us we can sort out later. You haven’t said anything yet. Stands to reason you can wait a little longer. And besides, you’re the one who said we aren’t together so I don’t see why it matters that I want some time for myself. If I find a friend to spend it with, that’s my business. If you’re not at my beck and call, particularly on a spaceship in the 51st Century, I don’t need to be at yours. I’ll call you when I’m ready, yeah?_

_You’re not going to leave me, are you?_

_No! Don’t be silly. I’m never leaving you. If you don’t know that by now, I don’t know what else I can do to convince you._

“And, hey, do you mind if I phone a few girls to meet us there? I think you’d love them, Rose.”

—

He’d sorely taken her for granted. Anyone threatens her life, he turns into the Oncoming Storm, but him telling her she didn’t matter? Worse than any alien scum has done.

He brushed some non-existent lint from his tux and headed out of the restaurant back to his room. There was nothing to do but wait for her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and her friend spend a night out, and Rose makes an important discovery. The Doctor is miserable.

Rose picked a short, sequined black dress. Her friend had selected a royal blue dress, one that hit just below her calves, though not quite as form-fitting. They met each other in front of the mirror on the back of her door.

The color reminded Rose of the TARDIS. “I love that shade,” she remarked.

“You look… fantastic, Rose,” she said softly.

She blushed and bit her lip. “Thanks.” For a moment, she caught her eyes, and all at once they seemed familiar. Hazel at first glance, but ancient and sublime when she looked deeper, like standing on a precipice and staring out at a vast ocean of time. Rose could have lived in that gaze forever.

She turned away to gather her things. “I suppose we should get going. The girls will be at the club.”

“Yeah,” was all Rose could say in response.

—

When they found their table, Rose was surprised to see five other girls waiting. “These your friends?”

“Yeah. This is Bill and her girlfriend Heather, and then that’s Clara, Me, and Jenny. I think the three of them have something together. Who knows what they get up to on their ship. But they’re all partly or fully immortal, so I suppose you can do whatever the hell you want in that situation.”

“You mean they all travel, too?”

“Sure do!” Clara answered. “All over space and time.”

“Do you all know the Doctor? I travel with him. As much trouble as he gets in, I know you’ve at least had to hear of him.”

Her friend looked at the other girls without missing a beat and said, “Doctor who?” They all lost it at that.

Rose glanced between them. “I feel like I’m missing something.”

“Only this enormous basket of chips,” Bill answered. She popped one into her mouth. “We heard they were your favorite.”

Rose sat and took one for herself.

Clara spoke up. “We’ve heard of him, yeah. Some of us have been with him for a bit. You’re with him now, aren’t you? You have to be. Of course, you’re before my time. I might have met yours once, the one with the hair. My memory’s a bit fuzzy on that one.”

“Yeah, I am. I can’t tell him about this, can I? It’ll make a… paradox, right?”

She smiled. “He said how brilliant you are.”

“Tell me, though, because I need to know. Is he happy? I’m staying with him for as long as I can, but he said recently… the curse of the Time Lords. I can’t stay with him forever. I just want him to be happy.”

“It was hard on him, for a while.”

Rose looked at her friend.

“Really hard. He didn’t want to travel with anyone else, but he wanted to do you proud, more than anything. And he didn’t like who he was by himself. You could say he’d lost his compass.”

“But he’s alright now?”

She smiled. “Yeah, he’s alright.”

“Wait. You’ve known who I was this whole time?”

“Yep.”

“Why didn’t you say something? Who are you?”

“Rose, look at me.”

She searched her eyes. She felt the pull of time again.

“You know who I am.”

All at once, she recognized her. They were the same eyes she saw every day. “You’re…” She grinned and launched herself at her.

The Doctor laughed and threw her arms around her. “Hello, Rose Tyler.”

She pulled back with tears in her eyes. “You’re—how… god, where to even start?”

Her eyes shone with tears of her own. “Do you like my face?”

“Of course I do! How can you ask that stupid question?” She laughed through her tears.

“It always matters to me, what you think.”

“How long has it been, Doctor?”

“Too long.”

“How long, though?”

“Couple hundred years, I wager. I stopped counting a while ago.”

“You look amazing for being over a thousand years old.”

“Imagine what your mother would say.”

“She’d demand to know what facial cream you use!” She laughed and wiped her cheek. “Oh, god, I’m gonna look like a raccoon now.”

“I don’t care how you look.”

Rose’s breath hitched at her sultry tone, and she framed the Doctor’s face with her hands and pulled her down for a kiss.

She was stiff for a second before she wrapped her arms around Rose and went with it. “Just like old times,” she said softly. “Feels just as good after a few hundred years.”

“Let’s dance!” Rose tugged her hand and they were lost in a sea of people and aliens.

And then they all partied and had the best time. The basket of chips was bottomless and stayed hot and fresh. They had good drinks and laughed as they shared stories about their Doctors. When they decided to call it quits, Rose offered to let them all crash in her room. She put in an order for a larger bed and they watched a movie and ate popcorn. Eventually, they all fell asleep. Just before Rose drifted off, she couldn’t figure out why Jenny had been staring at her on and off the whole night.

—

The Doctor laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling, counting down the hours until the morning.

If he hadn’t been stupid, Rose would be with him. He desperately missed her. There was nothing he wouldn’t give to fix them and go back to simpler times.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and the Doctor spend time together.

When Rose awoke in the morning, the other girls had left. She was curled up in the Doctor’s side.

The Doctor smiled down at her companion’s sleepy face. “Good morning, Rose.”

“Good morning, Doctor.”

“Just like old times.”

“So, how are we going to deal with this so I don’t summon the time reavers again?”

“Rose Tyler, I can always count on you to ask the questions that matter. I’ll have to do a bit of jiggery-pokery with your memories.”

“That a technical term?”

She laughed. “Yes.”

She laid her head on her chest. “Can you tell me anything before you do?”

“Rose, I know he can be thick sometimes, but trust me when I say he loves you so much. He can’t say it, but he does. His whole world revolves around you, and I know for a fact he’s miserable because he knows how stupid he was. And because he misses you terribly. He brought you here to make it right. When you talk it out, he’ll understand why he hurt you so much.”

“Yeah?”

“I promise.” She grinned. “And then it gets good.” She laughed. “Yeah, that was a good night.”

She blushed. “You mean… we…”

“Yep. And I am pretty impressive, I must say.”

Rose giggled. “Some things never change.” She lifted her head to look at her. “These _are_ a nice pillow. Wow.”

The Doctor laughed. “I always thought so. Especially yours.”

“You really are the same, aren’t you?”

“I wondered what you might think of me now.”

“Is that why you came to see me?”

“Sort of. It’s been at the back of my mind. My current companions wanted a holiday, and this planet remains quite fond to me. I wasn’t aiming for you being here at the same time, but when the concierge scanned my iris and told me I was already booked, I knew you had to be here. I put it together that your friend you’d spent time with had to be me. Figures the TARDIS would bring me round when we weren’t speaking.”

“You’re so sure it was you, aren’t you?”

“I don’t see you with anyone else. And you said she was amazing. Who else would it be?”

She rolled onto her stomach and looked down at her. “So… maybe I’m not supposed to ask this, but what happens to me?”

She sighed. “I can’t give you details, but you’re out there, with me. A different me, but he’s me. He’ll be the one to tell you everyday how much he feels. That’s what keeps me going, knowing that we’re happy together.”

“But I’m not with you now.”

“You are.” The corner of her lips turned up. “In a roundabout way.”

“You’re not going to do the memory thing now, are you?”

“Do you want me to?”

“No.”

“Good.”

“I’ll still remember you, right?

“Yes. You’ll remember me, but not as the Doctor. You can’t know. Timelines can’t be compromised.”

“Doctor, can you… maybe keep that kiss in there?”

She grinned and laughed. “Still got it. Yes. Anything for you.”

“Alright. ‘Just like old times,’ you keep saying. What are we doing today, Doctor?”

“I say we make our own adventure. The other me isn’t supposed to see you til tonight, so we have plenty of time.”

They did everything they could think of, going from here to there, all the while holding hands. Rose suspected the Doctor was being a bit manic to avoid her feelings about their inevitable parting. Not much had changed, then, she thought with a smile.

Then came the moment the Doctor had been dreading all day. “I’d say it was about time. You need to be able to get back to your room.”

“Before you do this, I just… I need you to know, Doctor… I love you.”

Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, Rose.”

“What is it?”

“I never said it while you were with me, and that is one of my biggest regrets.”

“You could say it now.”

“But you won’t remember.”

“Even if you don’t say it, Doctor… I know it. In here.” She placed a hand over her heart.

The Doctor sobbed. “You just… have to be you, don’t you?”

“And you will remember. At least it would give you some peace. God knows you don’t have enough of that.”

She sighed.

“Doctor, do you still…?”

“Yes. I always will.”

She smiled and nuzzled her nose in the Doctor’s cheek. “Then all the more reason to tell me, you daft Time Lord.”

She took a deep breath. “Rose Tyler.”

“Yes?”

“I love you, too.”

Rose kissed her cheek and they held each other for awhile.

“I’m sorry you have to go,” Rose said.

“I’ll see you tonight, though. He’s really missing you right now. Don’t get cross at me when I break into your room, alright?”

“That doesn’t surprise me one bit.” She laughed.

“Are you ready?”

“No, but you have to do it.”

“I’m sorry. This won’t hurt a bit, and you’ll only be out for a moment. Your brilliant mind will need to reset, as it were.”

“Alright.”

The Doctor gently placed her fingers on Rose’s temples and quickly rearranged her memories, and caught her as she slumped. She sat her down and took the seat next to her.

Rose yawned as she came to. “I’m sorry. I must have drifted off for a moment.”

Her friend smiled. “It’s quite alright. We’ve had a busy day, after all. Perhaps you need a nap.”

“Would you… like to come with?”

She shook her head. “Nah. I need to find my friends. We’ve got loads out there to see, you know how it is. I’ve had a merry time with you, though. I hope things work out with your boyfriend.”

She grinned. “Me, too. I guess I’ll see you around? Maybe we’ll bump into you on one of our adventures.”

“Maybe.”

“I really hope we will.” She tilted her head at her big, sad eyes. “Are you alright?”

“I’m always alright. Just something on my mind is all.” She stood and took a few steps back. “Bye, Rose.”

“Alright. See ya, I guess.”

The Doctor turned and walked a few steps.

“Wait!”

She stopped. She hoped for one small second that Rose would remember.

“I didn’t even catch your name. Rude of me. I’m sorry.”

She turned and forced a small smile. “Jane.”

“It was nice meeting you, Jane.”

“You, too, Rose.” She turned and walked in the direction of her TARDIS.

Rose felt an inexplicable sadness for her friend. She felt so tired all of a sudden, like a weight pressed down on her shoulders. She wasn’t quite ready to call the Doctor yet. Maybe that kip would do her good, and she could call him later when she woke up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and the Doctor finally hash things out.

The next thing Rose knew, her door opened. She startled awake, yelping and chucking a pillow across the room at the trespasser.

“Rose! It’s me!”

She turned her bedside lamp on to see the Doctor. “What the hell are you doing? How did you even get in here?”

“Sonic, of course.” He tossed up the item in question and caught it, stuffing it in his jacket pocket. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. Good shot, though, Rose Tyler.” He examined the pillow he’d caught. “My superior Time Lord precision must be rubbing off on you. Don’t say I never did anything nice for you. And, I, ehm, hadn’t heard from you yet. I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“I guess I slept longer than I meant. I was going to call you. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. And I suppose you’re alright, so…” He shrugged and tossed the pillow back to her bed. “I can go if you like.” He reached for the door.

“No!”

His eyebrows shot straight up. “No?”

“You can sit with me if you want.”

“I can?”

She drew up her knees and wrapped her arms around them, chewing on a thumbnail. “Yeah. Course you can.”

He laid on his back next to her, lacing his fingers behind his head and crossing his ankles. “It’s just that we haven’t been terribly close recently. Obviously. And we need to talk about it, like you said. Truth is, I miss you.”

Her head lifted. “Y-you do?”

“Of course I do, yeah. I keep thinking of witty things to say and no one’s been there to laugh.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, the TARDIS does that, too.”

“Because you’re ridiculous.”

“I suppose I would have said something earlier, you know, before we came here, but it was hard with Mickey there. He always wanted to know this and that, and he certainly never left us alone. I also wanted to see if you were alright. About Mickey, I mean. I know it wasn’t easy to leave your friend behind like that.”

“It wasn’t. I grew up with him, and when we got together, he wasn’t the best boyfriend, and he wasn’t the best at showing it, but he did care. He was the only friend I had for a while, after…”

“What?”

She sighed. “Never mind.” She laid down next to him, pillowing her head on his shoulder.

He lightly smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Alright. Would you rather talk about something else, then?”

“Actually, yes. I have a question.”

“Ask away.”

“Doctor, since you can regenerate…”

“Yes?”

“Could you… you know…” She rolled onto her stomach and looked down at him. “I’m not asking this to make you feel… inadequate. Because I like you. I’m just curious.”

His eyes flicked across her face as he smiled. “You can ask me anything you want, Rose.”

“Can you change into a woman?”

“Absolutely, if I wanted to. What brought this on?”

“When Jack was traveling with us, you both told me sometimes that 51st Century standards are different from my day. And I’ve encountered so many aliens, so many different things out there. And it just made me wonder, if you can change your appearance, can you change other things about yourself? You said so, you might have no head.”

“That’s true.”

“But you also said you never know what you’re gonna end up with. So how could you change into a woman if you wanted?”

“Sometimes you can control it, and sometimes you can’t. Say if I feel strongly enough, I could sway things a little.” He inhaled through his nose. “Maybe if I’m around someone… I don’t know, who matters a lot to me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yep.”

“Are you saying you regenerated into a pretty boy for me?”

“You always did fancy the pretty ones.”

“I’ve always thought you were pretty,” she admitted.

“Big ears?”

“Even your big ears. Even with your… wonky ears right now.” She traced the curve of his ear with her finger.

It took all of his self control not to snog the life out of her in that moment. “So you’d still like me if I were a woman?”

“I would. I’d like you any way you are.”

He tilted his head. “Rose Tyler, are you attracted to women?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Are you attracted to men?”

“I’m not of Earth, Rose. Higher societies like mine aren’t bound by social constructs like gender. Why, there are entire planets out there where societies consider themselves genderless.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“It would take a lot for me to feel attracted to anyone. I’ve had infatuations, sure, but I wouldn’t want to… _dance_ with anyone unless…” He looked at her.

“You felt close to them?”

He glanced at her lips for the briefest of seconds. “Yes. And you haven’t answered my question.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. It’s not something I’ve ever explored or wondered about for myself. I’m at least open to it. Traveling with you, it’s opened my eyes to a lot of things.”

“You did have fun with your friend, didn’t you?”

“Doctor! It wasn’t like that!”

“Nah, be honest, Rose. It’s alright.”

She caught her breath in her throat as she thought and exhaled. “Maybe I liked her. She was amazing. I have my mates Shireen and Keisha back in London, but she was… different. She reminded me of you, actually. And it was nice to have someone paying attention to me again.” She grinned.

“Something I’ve done a poor job of lately.” He sighed.

“I realized how much I missed you.”

“Oh. Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Well, if you want me to, maybe next time I’ll try for a woman, if that would make you happy. If you’re around.”

“I’ll be around. I’m staying with you forever. You’re stuck with me, remember?”

“Of course I remember. I remember a lot of things.”

“Do you remember that night outside the chippy?”

He stopped breathing for a moment. How could he forget? The night he let her down. “I do.”

“Doctor, we need to talk about us. When we checked in, you said we weren’t together.”

He sighed. “I did.”

“Why?”

His hearts clenched at the hurt in her voice, hurt at his own doing. “I didn’t know if you still considered us…”

“Together?”

“I could hardly blame you if you didn’t. I’ve been more than an idiot lately.”

“You have.”

He half smiled. “I thought in the other world you might leave me.”

“I know I said I couldn’t leave my mum. But I couldn’t leave you, either. Not ever. I just wanted…” Tears filled her eyes.

“What did you want, Rose?”

She laid her head on his shoulder. “I wanted you to think I would.”

His mouth opened, but no words came out. That wasn’t like her at all. She was never bent on revenge. She was compassionate, kind. Only one thing could explain it. “And that’s my fault. Oh, Rose, I’m so sorry.”

She sniffed. “No, no… it’s deeper than that.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s…” A fresh wave of tears spilled over and she buried her face in his chest.

He rubbed her back until she calmed. “What is it?”

“Jimmy.”

Everything made sense at once.

“Oh, Rose.” He rolled onto his side. “Rose. I am so sorry. I’m so stupid. You needed to have power.”

During her time on the TARDIS, she’d become his equal—and more, really. She was his everything. He may be pilot of the ship, but she was captain of his hearts. As cliche as that sounded, it was absolutely true. She could ask of him anything, to go anywhere, and he’d do it for her. She already had power over him.

But he’d gone and stripped it away from her. With Sarah Jane, she’d been confronted with the possibility that he could leave her behind without another thought. The balance of power had shifted, and then he’d… completely disregarded her.

“Oh, I’m so thick. You needed to know I cared.”

She nodded.

“No wonder Mickey was moody for a week.”

“He was gloating because he finally felt better than you. And he was angry at me for not giving you a piece of my mind, and I wouldn’t let him do it for me.”

“Rose, I know I needed to apologize, but I see now that it wouldn’t be enough.” The wheels in his mind still spun on the ice. _“I’m not scared of you.”_ That’s what she’d told him when he’d taken the TARDIS key back from her, the day she saved her real father. “No, it’s more than that. You told me once, ‘I know how sad you are. You’ll be back in a minute.’ You told me I’d be waiting for you outside the TARDIS, and you’d make me wait.”

“A long time,” she said softly.

“How many times had you heard that?”

“More than a few.”

“And I’ve always thought I was better than him.”

“You are, though.”

“I’m not.”

“You are. I would know.”

“What makes me any different than him? You should have left me a long time ago.”

“Stop the pity party, Doctor, and just listen, yeah?”

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“You were always angry because you were hurting, because of what you’d done. I wanted to be with Jimmy because he promised the world at first. He said we’d be out on the road and I could see anything. If I wanted something, he told me to put it on my card and he’d pay me back later. He thought his band would make it big, but they never did. He was… nothing more than a bum, leeching off me. It was his fault they failed, and he never took responsibility for it.”

“I promised you the whole universe.”

“And you’ve given me that, Doctor, and more. You showed me a better way of living life. If I’d wanted to leave you, I’d have done a long time ago.”

“It doesn’t make a difference that I save planets and people if I can’t take care of what’s right in front of me.”

“For all your bragging about being a superior Time Lord, you’re not much different than a human bloke.”

“I’m not, am I? I’ve never done the ‘boyfriend thing’ before. Turns out I’m completely rubbish.”

“What makes you think you’re rubbish?”

“I’ll lose you someday.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m afraid of it.”

“You’re not losing me today or tomorrow.”

“You’ll get older, and one day you won’t be able to run anymore.”

“I can run now.”

“You humans are amazing. You know all this is coming down the road, but instead of cowering in fear, you choose to give it an obscene gesture and live anyway.”

“I know that my lifespan must feel so tiny to you. I can see how that would hurt.”

“But it doesn’t warrant me running from you.”

“You’ve lost so much.”

“I have. But, losing you, it would be so much worse.”

“Maybe instead of living in fear, you could…”

“Give it an obscene gesture and live?”

She laughed. “Now you’re getting it.”

He hummed.

“It’s like what Sarah Jane said. The universe moves forward. You have to as well.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Rose.”

She rolled her eyes. “If you apologize anymore, I’ll—“

“You’ll what?” he murmured.

His warm tone took her off guard and she looked in his eyes. Her heart skipped a beat. She found that look, the one he gave her when he thought she wouldn’t notice.

She caressed his cheek and glanced at his lips, and she barely had time to process when he closed the gap between them and leaned over her.

“That was…”

“Not nearly obscene enough,” he muttered.

Her jaw dropped again. “Doctor, did you just say—”

“Only if you want, though.”

“Doctor.”

“If you don’t, I understand.”

“Doctor.” She loosened the knot on his tie.

He grabbed her hand. “There’s no going back from here for me. I’ve wanted this for a very long time.” He kissed her wrist.

Her breath hitched. “S-since when?”

He raised an eyebrow as his lips traveled towards her shoulder. “Since you wore that gorgeously inappropriate gown for a Victorian Cardiff on Christmas in 1869.”

“Really?”

“I have to warn you, I might be a little rusty. It’s been a while.”

She mumbled, “If that’s rusty…”

He grinned wickedly and winked, his hand reaching just beneath her t-shirt and splaying his fingers across her belly. “Have you never been loved before?”

“Not really, no. Mickey and Jimmy were both rubbish.”

He tilted his head. “Well. Good news for me.”

She smacked his shoulder. “Doctor!”

“What? I’m just saying it’s less pressure for me. I don’t have much to compete with, apparently.”

She sat up slightly and looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Aside from yourself, I mean. Although I think you’ll find that I can give you a different experience.” He lightly pushed on her chest so she’d lie back, and he leaned over her.

–

A very satiated Doctor gazed at the blonde mass of hair on his bare shoulder and smiled. He wasn’t sure what he’d ever done to deserve her in his life, but he was infinitely grateful. The universe had brought them together, and he knew it could tear them apart just as easily, but not in this moment.

He pondered where to take her next. She seemed to enjoy when they attended concerts… yes, and he rather enjoyed the image of them dancing together around the console… _Can’t Help Falling in Love_ , him singing gently in her ear as she pressed her cheek to his, holding her close and squeezing her hand as Elvis croons the line. Next stop: Elvis, Ed Sullivan TV Studios, and then an evening in on the TARDIS.


End file.
